


Interworld

by summerof16



Category: Norse Religion & Lore, Thor (Comics), Thor (Movies), Thor - All Media Types
Genre: AU, Angst, Drama, F/M, Family, Fluff, I promise, Love, Pre-Thor (2011), cause of magic, curious Ullr, dadki, falling from the bifrost, followed by canon divergence and precanon changes which are totally still plausible, hyper kid, its a happy ending, playing fast and loose with memory, post Thor1, post avengers at parts, sifmom, time flies is probably the most accurate description
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-03
Updated: 2016-12-03
Packaged: 2018-08-30 21:04:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8549044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/summerof16/pseuds/summerof16
Summary: There is a place between the land of dreams and the land of wakefulness where beings traverse through the world with muffled ears and blinded eyes. The mind is at a crossroads, neither making sense of the truth nor constructing the perfect senselessness of the dreaming.It is believed that there exist three routes to this state, but it is never guaranteed that a person might reach it. The first route is found through sleep.  The second route is by the consumption of hallucinogenic drugs, which often bring other aftertastes as well. Finally, the third route is the most dangerous. The third route, though the easiest way to enter, is also the most perilous due to the toll it demands…The price for the third entrance into the interworld is a precious strand of memories.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Araine](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Araine/gifts).



> Dear Araine,  
> Thank you for letting me write the fic I've always wanted to write!  
> I think I've used all of the tag suggestions you had to build this story.  
> I really hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed concocting it!

The lights of the Bifrost disappeared from sight as he fell. The twinkling of the eternal realm faded from his eyes, and only pain ebbed and flowed with each beat of his crumbling heart. He could feel the warm, pulsing hot liquid threaten to spill onto his deathly pale cheeks.  The black tendrils of the universe clawed bluntly into his flesh, dragging him through the emptiness that some mistake for the heavens. He knew there is no virtue in the lands between stars, and naught but the eternal pit of the dark. No warmth, and no comfort. Merely a hollow. Not even a tender word could penetrate the distance, and console a weary traveler.

To fall between the realms is to never die, and to never live. It is to be a grain of sand cascading through the perpetual cracks of existence.

Falling.

He didn’t need to breathe. He didn’t need to belong. He didn’t need to hide. Everything was gone. He had let everything fall away. He had let his life fall to pieces. He had let go.

No more mother, father or even Thor. No more pesky warriors three, and Einherjar stalking his every move.

No more Sif.

No more beloved, headstrong, endless Sif.

Though seemingly impossible, his complexion paled even further, and he curled his weightless legs against his chest, clutching his knees. He pressed his forehead against his knees and squeezed his eyes shut.

As the traitorous tears stained his cheeks, an incantation fell from his lips.

 _“_ _Why did you do it?"_   _Sif asked, nudging Loki_ _’_ _s cheek with her nose, as they lay together on a soft couch before a grand fireplace, covered by the warmest furs he could conjure._

 _“_ _Why did I do what?_ _”_ _he murmured back, running his slender fingers through her hair. It was so soft despite being tussled up like the nests Huginn and Munnin make for their little ones during the pleasant months of the years. He smiled warmly, freely even, in the confines of her chambers._

 _“_ _You know what I mean,_ _”_ _she grinned wolfishly, pressing a kiss to a blossoming bruise on his forearm._ _“_ _The flowers, the daggers, the new enchantments? The burns were but a flesh wound. I was in no great peril. Also, you did not fear for me enough to seal my armor like that. So why?_ _”_

 _“_ _Can_ _’_ _t you fathom why I might do such a thing, fierce Sif?_  "  _he said softly pressing a kiss to her hair, slightly tightening his hold about her waist. She turned in his arms, and rest her cheek against his shoulder, smiling wryly. Her calloused fingers reached up and stroked his cheek. She let her thumb glide carefully over his lips._

 _“_ _Purely selfish reasons, I'd wager._ _”_

 _“_ _How well you know me,_ _”_ _he chuckled, nipping at her thumb._

 _“_ _Millennia of being lovers does that,_ _”_ _she smirked, wiping her wet thumb on his cheek._

 _“_ _You must be truly desperate to still come to me despite that knowledge,"_   _he chuckled in a low voice, grinning like a loon._

 _“_ _Never desperate,_ _”_ _Sif grinned back._ _“_ _Merely ravenous._ _”_

 

The stars were only few and far in between. The universe had taken him deep into its cheerless folds, for what seemed to be eons. Everything looked the same, yet always different. Emptiness permeated every fiber of his being- if his existence could be called _being_ anymore. He had long ago given up on any hope. Any hope at all.

Bitterness and sorrow took his heart.

He fell and fell and fell until he could fall no more, and as he felt the darkness swallow him up again, he whispered the incantation.

 _“_ _Why did you do it?_ _”_ _she smirked, standing with her muddy boots planted firmly on either side of him. He lay in the slick mud, his black battle attire coated thickly with it. Meanwhile, Sif_  ' _s armor was spotless, not even the slightest scratch from the daggers, or the magic he had levied against her. She had simply swerved out of the way with the grace of a dancer and the fervor of a berserker._

 _“_ _Do what?_ _”_ _he groaned propping himself up on his elbows, only to fall flat on his back again, as they slid away._

_Sif snorted, and carefully nudged his ribs with her muddy boots._

_“_ _You know, Lady Sif, It does not do to gloat over a fallen enemy. If you continue like this, soon someone will mistake you for Volstagg,_ _”_ _he said casually, wiping an emerald hilted dagger on his leather trousers._

 _“_ _And if it were so? Would this be a problem?_ _”_ _she smirked, taking a seat on his chest, and watching him squirm._

 _“_ _As long as it is merely their perception and you do not weigh as Volstagg does, you may continue your little taunting,_ _”_ _he smirked, before rolling her into the mud with one fell swoop, and climbing on top, till his face was only a few inches from hers._ _“_ _For I could not roll Volstagg off, and I so very much enjoy having you on your back._ _”_

 _“_ _Loki!_ _”_

_Her laughter pealed through the air._

A shift was palpable, as the swirls around the stars took on a pink hue. The stars looked heavy and swollen, puffed up and painful. They bulged uncomfortably as if preparing to birth another star. The outer layers of some floated by drably, enveloping the stars like a snake’s shed skin. And yet they were all like mere droplets festering in the skies of ceaseless loneliness.

An incantation fled his lips.

 _“_ _What are you reading?_ _”_ _Sif asked crouching on the grass beside him. She dropped her glaive onto the field, throwing up the fresh smell of crushed grass. She unclasped a red traveler_ _’_ _s cloak off her shoulders and let it drop down beside him._

 _“_ _I did not know you would be back so soon,_ _”_ _he said absentmindedly, finishing a paragraph._

 _“_ _Is that so?_ _”_ _she remarked, watching him for a couple of moments. Slowly she tugged on each finger of her gloves._

 _“_ _Hmm,_ _”_ _he hummed tentatively, before shutting the tome._

 _“_ _Apologies, would you prefer if I left once more, and were to return in two weeks?_ _”_ _she rolled her eyes, taking a seat on her cloak._

 _“_ _You shall do nothing of the sort,_ _”_ _he sighed, finally looking up to meet her gaze. He smiled apologetically and reached across, taking her hand in his, and squeezed it. His forefinger gently traced over the golden wedding band he had given her many years ago._

 _“_ _Is something amiss?_ _”_ _she asked, furrowing her brows as she tried to read his expression._

 _“_ _It is nothing._ _”_

_He turned away and looked out at the great lake across which the Bifrost shimmered beyond understanding, glittering in its celestial splendor. He watched in silence as a single Einherjar rode across in golden armor, trotting comfortably towards the gates of Asgard._

_Sif pressed her lips together and held onto his hand with a vicelike grip._ _“_ _Don_ _’_ _t lie to me, Loki. I_ know _you._ _”_

 _“_ _That you do,_ _”_ _he sighed, looking at her once more._ _“_ _I_ _…_ _I_ _’_ _ve simply been pondering._ _”_

 _“_ _About what matters?_ _”_

 _“_ _About_ _…_ _the future._ _”_

 _“_ _Our future is bright and filled with glory,_ _”_ _she remarked._

 _“_ Your _future may be filled with glory, but mine is not._ _”_ _He looked down at the book, stroking its leather cover._

 _“_ _Why do you say this? " she asked loosening her hold with concern etched on her face._

 _“_ _Thor will soon be king, father will abdicate, mother will continue her duties taking care of the hearts and families of Asgard_ _…_ _and what of me? Thor will have father_ _’_ _s advisors, and I? Will I be a scholar? A man hidden away in the catacombs? Forgotten by all?_ _”_

 _“_ _Loki_ _…_ _" she sighed,  "You won_ _’_ _t be forgotten._ _”_

 _“_ _Will I not? Who sees me? Who remembers the shadows when you have the sun and the stars?_ _”_

 _“_ _I do. I see you. I love you. As does Ullr._ _”_

 _“_ _And the rest of the realm? They love_ you. _As you travel the realms and bring back tokens, and hold banquets to celebrate your great feats-_ _“_

 _“_ _You_ chose _to remain with your books,_ _”_ _Sif glared at him, gritting her teeth._ _”_ _We_ _’_ _ve asked you many times to join us-_ _”_

 _“_ _You know I don_ _’_ _t want to leave Ullr behind..._ _“_

 _“_ _Do not hide behind tepid excuses, Loki. He is not with you now either._ _”_

 _“_ _That_ _’_ _s because he is with mothe-_ _“_

 _“_ _And she would gladly dote on him for a week if we left together for a short spell._ _”_

 _“_ _It is an imposition._ _”_

 _“_ _She is his grandmother_ _…”_

 _“_ _Precisely. She should be free of all child rearing responsibilities._ _”_

 _“_ _Loki_ _…”_ _she sighed, shaking her head._

 _“_ _What?_ _”_

 _“_ _Sometimes_ _…”_

 _“_ _Yes?_ _”_ _he asked almost primly, jutting his chin out ever so slightly._

 _“_ _You_ _’_ _re impossible._ _”_

_He pursed his lips and hummed thoughtfully._

_“_ _Perhaps._ _”_

_She searched his face for several moments and sighed._

_“_ _What are you reading?_ _”_

 _“_ _Do you really want to know?_ _”_ _he scoffed, though his lips betrayed a hint of a smile._

 _“_ _Do I ever ask a question I do not wish an answer to?_ _”_ _Sif remarked._

 _“_ _That you do not,_ _”_ _he chuckled._

 _“_ _Why don_ ' _t you tell me, what has captured your attention? Another portal to Alfheim, perhaps not leading through Nidavellir this time?_ _”_

 _“_ _No, nothing quite as trivial,_ _”_ _he smirked, opening up to the first chapter._ _“_ _Why don_ _’_ _t you read this passage yourself? Perhaps it will capture your imagination too._ _”_

_Sif raised an eyebrow, but took the tome anyway, reading it aloud._

_“_ _ There is a place between the land of dreams and the land of wakefulness where beings traverse through the world with muffled ears and blinded eyes. The mind is at a crossroads, neither making sense of the truth nor constructing the perfect senselessness of the dreaming. _ _ ” _

_Sif raised both eyebrows at him._

_“_ _What is this? Poetry? Why am I reading this?_ _”_

 _“_ _Keep going,_ _”_ _he smiled a little_

 _“_ _If you insist_ _…_ _ Instead, the body acts with the wilfulness of the awake, forgetting the need for analytical thought before making decisions, and instead acting on instinct. Sometimes to exceedingly disastrous effects. It is believed that there exist three routes to this state, but it is never guaranteed that a person might reach it. The first route is found through sleep. When a person has reached the land of dreams, it is possible to tear them from it through external disturbances which are not severe enough to bring them to full lucidity. The second route is by the consumption of hallucinogenic drugs, which often bring other aftertastes as well. Finally, the third route is the most dangerous. The third route, though the easiest way to enter, is also the most perilous for the toll it demands_ _ … _ _Do you wish to suggest a quest?_ _”_ _Sif beamed._

 _“_ _No,_ _”_ _he laughed._ _“_ _Keep reading. It_ _’_ _s interesting._ _”_

 _ “ _ _ The price for that entrance into the interworld is a strand of memories _ _ … _ _ Though this may not sound dangerous, and even harmless, the choice of the memories that are lost are not ours. They are stolen from the moments in which we attain the interworld, and the moments we may most wish to remember. These could be memories of the past, the present or even the future. Unless others show us the truth these lost memories may never be regained. This route into the interworld is a perilous one because the rules of the place demand that no one must know that they have entered it. To know the interworld, is to not be in it. To be in the interworld is to forget life itself_ _._ _”_

_Sif stared at the page for a long time in silence. The words ran through her mind over and over again. Why would Loki want to learn this skill at such a toll? Is he strategizing how to use it as an offensive skill? Sheer curiosity about the darker paths? Or...does his unhappiness extend into wanting to forget life itself?_

_She felt her throat constrict as if two hands were squeezing, and a third was pressing down on her chest._

_“_ _What is the third route?_ _”_

_His lips curved up, and he took the book from her, never taking his eyes off her._

_“_ _An incantation, of course._ _”_

 

The stars were long gone from sight, and the universe mattered no more for he had been found. He was plucked from the void by a faction of beings never before encountered. They were led by a grotesque creature without eyes, who claimed to be the defacto leader in the absence of a Titan. Despite the mercy of ripping him out of his stagnated existence, their offer was little better than the fall. They took him in and sieved through the shreds that remained of his mind, picking and stirring the thoughts that had once been within. When the staffs and magic failed, other tools so monstrous that they cannot even be contemplated, were brought in. They tore through every fiber of the shell he’d once called his own, ensuring that he could not lose consciousness, lest that render their techniques useless. Yet they did not understand the breathless, ancient incantations that fell from his lips, launching his mind into the interworld as his body continued to mimic the living. He fled reality continuously, unable to face the truth of his tormentors. Unable to withstand the suffering.  

When at long last his waking body had promised compliance and adherence  to their ways, the remnants of Loki of Asgard believed too. They gave him a scepter, they fixed his body, and they provided an army so vast and powerful that he had to remind himself he had not gone to Valhalla.  

He knew with conviction that his family had transgressed against him, that Odin had lied. He knew that none cared or loved him. But most importantly, he knew that he ought to be King, and if Asgard would not give him a Kingdom, then matters would be tended to in less cordial ways.  

To grasp the Titan’s toy, he took his people, his legion of monsters, to Midgard. He tore into it, destroying and maiming all things that masqueraded around claiming to be magnificent. He shot metal birds from the sky, enlisted the best of the enemies, and destroyed a city they deemed glorious. And any time he wavered, his whispered incantation gave his shell the will to continue, though his soul, his memories fled the truth,  sprinkling themselves throughout the interworld... 

Until all schemes fell apart and the cold truths of war came to light.  

His paper-tower, built on the sands of his mind came apart as the Other’s plans failed, his army dropped away and his lips were sewn shut with a muzzled. He was to be shackled and humiliated-to be a guileless dog for the worlds to see.  

It was simply another item on the seemingly endless list of sins committed against him by his family. 

He glared at the mortals and whispered the incantation. 

 _“Why?” she screamed, sweat racing across her forehead. Sif panted, and yelled between groans of frustration and exhaustion. Her tunic was wet with blood and sweat, as a guard helped Loki restrain her to the bed. Her legs were parted, and a middle-aged healer with her hair in an impeccable bun, peered at the crowning head of the babe._  

 _“You shall hurt yourself if you keep lashing out,” Loki said authoritatively, hiding the fact that he felt like his innards had been rearranged during the  last 15 hours of helpless waiting._  

 _“I will kill you,” she growled through gritted teeth before another contraction hit and a scream tore from her._  

 _“Push,” the healer spoke calmly._  

 _“I_ am _pushing, Eir! Odin’s beard! What does it look like I’m doing? Embroidering a pillow with my teeth?”_  

 _“You’ve always been terrible at embroidering,” Loki interjected,  quickly jumping out of reach, as her first shot out at his side._  

 _“Please, my Lord, you are not helping,” the healer grimaced._  

 _“By Hel, I will not let you make anoth-AH!” Sif’s back arched off the bed, contorting with pain. “I HATE YOU!”_  

 _“Push one last time! With all your vigor, my lady!”_  

 _Sif pushed herself up, resting her weight on her arms, while the guard never let go of her shoulder. She took a deep breath with steely-eyed determination. She stared down at the midwife with the wrath of war pulsing through her veins. The power of battle surged through her, as she ground her teeth once more and pushed._  

They transported him in the darkness, cloaking him in a midnight hood. The people of Asgard needn’t know the crimes committed by the prince they had grieved. In silence and disbelief, Thor led him towards a chamber Loki could not recognize. He paused in front of it and turned to Loki, and squeezed his shoulder.  

“Brother. .. I know you fault me for something, but do not blame them for my imagined slights... We have never wished you ill, and we do not still.” 

Loki snorted and shook off Thor's hand. He mumbled something, but the muzzle distorted it.  

Thor sighed and shook his head. He opened the door and followed Loki into the chamber.  

Inside stood a solitary woman with jet black hair and bright hazel eyes. She wore a deep red tunic, and a furred cape was draped over her shoulders. She watched him with a stony expression which hid the thick layer of pain which were hidden in her eyes. Loki slit his eyes at her as he tried to place her. She seemed… familiar. She took a step towards him, and that was when he saw the glaive, tucked away carefully. 

Thor’s friend, the warrior lady. 

Yes. Sif. That was her name. Lady Sif, daughter of Tyr, friend of Thor.  

Foe of Loki.  

Had she not stood against him during Thor’s banishment? Had she not been one of those who stabbed him in the back? Pushing that rusty knife of mistrust deep into his gut before twisting it? Was she not the one who went to bring Thor back, by committing treason against him? The legitimate King of Asgard?  

And yet here she was. She _dared_ to stand before him. 

He glared at her, and stood straighter, towering above her. 

“Why did you do it?” Sif demanded, never taking her eyes off him. He felt unbalanced as her clear voice slashed into his core for some inexplicable reason. She wore an unreadable expression as she stepped closer. She reached for his face and carefully undid the muzzle while pressing a dagger against his chest as she did so. The mere stroke of the blade cut into his leather tunic. He coughed warily, and cleared his throat, eyeing the weapon. 

“Do what?” he drawled, moving back from the blade.  “Conquer Midgard? Leave Asgard? Seek a new home?” He huffed haughtily, and laughed “Why ever not?” 

“That’s not an answer, Loki, and you damned well know this,” she glowered. “Tell me why you did it. Why would you do any of that madness when you had a home to go back to with-” 

 “I have no home in this putrid realm. It is not mine, and never was,” he snarled, “And before you too levy accusations against my ‘unsuitable conduct’, know that I did nothing but take what is rightfully mine.” His face contorted with disgust,  as his lip curled in anger while Sif simply stated at him in disbelief. 

“What spirits have possessed you to say such tripe? Asgard is your home, whether it pleases your new ways or not. There are people here who love you-” 

“I presume you mean my wonderfully neglectful parents and my thoughtless brother,” he scoffed, waving his shackled hands at Thor. “No love is lost between us. They merely enjoy using me as a pawn, punching bag, or as a dog who requires humiliation.” 

The blade pressed against his neck instantly and made a cut which was as small and agonizing as a paper-cut.  

“Do not speak thus of your mother Loki. Not after everything she has done for you,” she growled, touching his Adam's apple with the blade.  

 “How can I not?” he scoffed calmly.  “After all, I am naught but the house of Odin’s pet vermi-” 

“Brother-” Thor started. 

“Do not start with me, Thor. I have heard enough from you. You have silenced me far too long over the years. I am no longer yours to toy with. I no longer listen to you and your ilk.” 

“And what of me?” Sif asked, holding the dagger firmly.  

“What of you?” Loki snarled. “What do you expect of me after your betrayal- “ 

“I did not betray you, Loki. When would my time ever permit me to do such a thing?”  

“You went behind my back to bring back, Thor,” he snarled. “Like the treasonous little snake that you will always be.” 

 “there was no betrayal," she scoffed,  " We informed you and Frigga that we were going to collect Thor from Nornheim to help fight the Jotun invasion.” 

“Lies,” Loki hissed, stepping away from her, only to bump into Thor’s chest. 

“Loki…” Thor sighed. 

 “You disobeyed my express commands during his banishment! That is why all was done and why I set the destroyer on you!” 

 “What-? What are these things you speak off?  You didn’t - Why would you- on me? Why would you   set the destroyer on your wife?” 

“You are not my wife,” Loki snorted. “What ludicrous things _you_ say, Sif. Say? Has someone been using  your head for training exercises in the  yard?” 

"How dare you-" 

"Ignore the woeful words. He knows not of what he speaks," Thor interjected.  

“Thor, this vile tongue is not something you must excuse-" 

 Eliciting another eye-roll from Loki, Loki scoffed.  

“Of _course_ you turn to Thor even when it is I to whom you speak,” he scoffed, folding his arms as best as he could, but struggling due to the shackles. Thor frowned at Loki and squeezed her shoulder.  

“Loki's memories seem... altered,” Thor said pulling her away from Loki ever so slightly. “He does not remember that he fell from the Bifrost, nor that I was visiting the Norns diplomatically, your marriage, or even-“ 

 “Mama! The thunder is being scary again,” a black-haired little boy whimpered as he ran into the chamber wearing a warm gray tunic. He ran to Sif, and hugged her leg, completely oblivious to all the others in the room. He pressed his face against her leg, half hiding in Sif’s cloak. 

“What manner of-“ Loki began,  only to be silenced by Sif’s stern glare. 

Sif carefully extracted the boy’s fingers which clawed into her clothes and knelt down before him. She stroked his pale cheeks and looked into his familiar green eyes. “It is alright, Ullr. Uncle Thor will scare off the thunder and protect you from it.”  

“But… Mama…” The boy whimpered. “What if he can’t?” 

“Then I will go out myself, and chase off the thunder and the lightning just for you, my little sorcerer.” 

His lips quivered as he wiped his eyes with a fist, but he nodded slowly. “You can do everything, Mama.” 

“Come, Ullr, you can watch me scare off the thunder,” Thor offered, holding out his hand to the boy. 

“Okay,” he nodded, taking the hand and leaving with Thor, only glancing back to peer at Loki curiously.  

Loki frowned for several moments, his eyes never leaving the doorway. At last, he cleared his throat.  

“You have a son?” 

“I do,” she nodded, shifting her weight to her left foot. 

“I see..." he hummed rubbing his chin,  "Then you must have finally deemed Thor worthy of your-“ 

“Loki,"  she snapped in exasperation and pinched the bridge of her nose as he was wont to do.

"Does he not acknowledge the child as his?" Loki sneered. "Is that why the child calls him 'Uncle'? Such is the beloved Thor, running when things are serious-"

“Stop it, Loki! Ullr is our son. Yours and mine." Her eyes blazed with anger, as her knuckles grew white as she squeezed the handle of the dagger in her pocket. He stopped, his breath hitching, before he shook his head, and gave her a sardonic look.

"Your jests lack wit, " he said drily, curling his lips in disgust.  

"I would never jest of such matters," she grated her teeth.  "He was born to us many months before you fell from the Bifrost." 

"Why would you tell such obvious lies? " he scoffed, jutting his chin out.  

“ Loki, " she exhaled.  She crossed the distance between them and held his unwilling face in her hands. “I know not what happened after you fell, but believe me, I do not ever lie about our son. He is the one I love most in the realms, even before the realm eternal itself." 

His eyes grew wide.  

“We conceived him in Alfheim when we went to the royal elven library to obtain that tome on Intra realm transfiguration of synthetic pathways-"

His eyes bulged.

"-which you would not cease speaking of on the entire journey there... and you grew so excited that we conceived  Ullr in the library itself. I should have expected something as you often get passionate surrounded by knowledge-" 

"How did you kn-" 

“- but I did not think that it would happen in a foreign library that was not our private collection-"

"-You mean-"

"And when Eir told us, you worried so much about inter-species childbirth that you attempted to stop me from training  with fire as the delivery time drew near..." 

“Stop!” he shouted, pulling out of her grasp. He shook his head frantically, wide-eyed and helpless.  “I do not have a son. I would not forget if I had a son- I could not-“ his voice rose with each syllable,  and his breath shortened.  

“Ullr is our son,  no matter what strangeness has befallen your mind," she emphasized holding his chin in place.  

“I coul- It isn't possi-You must lie, surely- I –“ His eyes grew unimaginably wider. “This must be a dream. A foul dream as I fall betwixt the stars. By Odin, it feels so real- No, I must return to the interworld- it is the only sane place-“ 

“The _interworld,”_   Sif gasped. She tried to grab him again, but it was too late. She heard him breathe the cursed incantation and only his shell remained pacing back and forth. 

 

  _A little bundle squirmed in his arms, clutching his finger tightly. The bundle’s jet black hair was one soft tuft, in a green wrapping that matched his grassy eyes. Loki hummed softly and smiled._  

 _“Calm Ullr. You need rest. Even little godlings must sleep, son.”_  

 _The baby cooed, and grinned toothlessly at him._  

 _“I'm here,” he crooned, and kissed his forehead._  

 

"Mama," Ullr called softly, walking into the private healing chamber, with both arms folded behind his back. A maid stood by the door keeping an eye on him as he entered,  trembling whenever she glanced at the healing room bed.  

Sif didn't notice the maid or even Ullr, as she watched the figure in the bed, her face blank as she sat deep in thought. On the bed lay Loki, his arms on either side of his sleeping form, cocooned in the golden shimmer of healing magic.  

 _Even if Queen Frigga can quilt his past back together by weaving our memories into his, it may not work... He might never truly come back, merely stuck in that shell of hatre-_  

She shook her head and sighed,  running one hand through her hair.  

 _May-maybe it is best if none know, lest they must grieve once more-_  

"Mama?" Ullr asked again, tapping her knee, and holding his arms out for her. 

"Ullr?" she blinked out of her daze, clearing her throat. Sif immediately, leaned forward and scooped up her son, and seated him on her lap, as they sat on a plush visitor’s sofa. "I did not hear you come in. You must be becoming a skilled tracker,” she praised, though her eyes did not give away any joy. “How did your day fare with Astrid? Did you learn much of Asgard?" 

"Mmm," he hummed, sucking on his lip. "Astrid told me some history, but I wanted to play with grandma Frigga. And Astrid said no," he pouted, hugging Sif and looking across at Astrid petulantly. "Can you make her say yes, Mama? Grandma Frigga promised we could play in the garden together. I _really_ want to play in the garden."  

“I am sorry, Ullr,” she sighed, stroking a strand of hair from his face. "We mustn't disturb grandma Frigga this day. Her work is of great importance." 

"What is she doing?"  

"She is... helping very special people." 

"Is she making people happy again?" he looked up at Sif with large green eyes.  

"She is," Sif smiled, stroking his rosy cheek. 

"Good," he nodded resolutely, "All are  sad, and if they're happy, they'll play with me again." 

"Why do you say all are sad?" she asked in surprise. 

"Because it is true," he said astutely. "The adults are whispering, and no one is smiling., and everyone is… quiet... In a bad way. " 

She shook her head and smiled stroking his hair back.  “ You never cease to amaze me.  

He chewed on his cheek and shrugged. "Mama, why is everyone sad?"  

"It is... complicated," she sighed, glancing at Loki's sleeping form. 

Ullr turned in her arms and followed her gaze. 

"Who is that?" he asked, swiveling around again. "Is he the man from last week?  Is he why everyone is sad?" 

"I-" she stopped. "He's-" she swallowed. 

“Is he someone of great importance? Is he a famous warrior?" he asked excitedly. "Is he one of Uncle Thor's friends from Midgard?” he gasped.  "Can I see his weapon, Mama? Please, please, please?" 

He hopped off her lap and ran across to the bed, rushing over to the end where Loki's head was. 

"Ullr!" Sif jumped out of her seat and caught him by his waist before he had a chance to climb onto the bed. 

"I want to see, Mama!" 

"From a distance," she insisted firmly,  holding onto her squirming boy.  

"Why is he in a healing room?" Ullr asked, his eyes sparkling with curiosity as they sat back down on the sofa, with her hand holding onto his shoulder.  

"He was greatly hurt, Ullr, and must now recover." 

"Did he lose an eye like grandpa Odin?" Ullr quipped, straining to see. 

"No, he did not." 

"An arm?" 

"No." 

"A leg?" 

"No." 

"Was he stabbed by a glaive, Mama?" 

"No," Sif chuckled. “But he has been in the past. Thanks to Mama. " 

"Ehehe," he giggled turning back to Sif. "Did he... hit his head very, very hard?" 

"Something like that," she smiled fondly, stroking his unruly hair back again.  

"Did he hit it on... a goat?" 

"A goat? Of all the realms. .." Sif laughed. "Why a goat?" 

He shrugged.  

"Someone put goat horns over there," he said, pointing to where Loki's helmet poked out from beside the bed. Her face fell immediately, a sense of dread creeping up in her gut again, as she glanced at Loki. 

“It’s like like Tanngrisnir’s and Tannjostr’s horns, but shiny!" he giggled, making wide eyes at Sif. 

"Can I have shiny horns too?" 

"What would you do with goat horns?" Sif asked, her brows pulling together, despite her smiling mouth. 

"I'd make a helmet like father!" he grinned, grabbing her vambrace which had a ridge shaped like Loki’s old ceremonial helmet.  

"Why do you need a helmet," she asked, clearing her throat again, this time blinking rapidly, doing her level best not to look at Ullr or Loki. 

"To play!" he replied cheerily. “Mama, you can play you, and I can play father!” he laughed. “The bravest warrior and the smartest sorcerer ever, fighting evil monsters together,” he exclaimed in a faked low voice. He burst into giggles and covered his mouth with his little hands. “And we ca-“ 

Sif hugged him too tight, and buried her face in his hair, kissing the top of his head. Soft tears trickled down her cheeks, staining his floppy black hair. A distraught sob burst from her lips. 

“I love you so much,” she whispered, her voice quivering as she spoke. 

“I love you too, Sif,” a low voice called from the bed. 

“Ah!” Ullr gasped as Sif let him go, taking deep breaths. “Mama, wha-“ 

Sif stood up, and set Ullr down onto the couch, never taking her eyes off the tired emerald ones that bore into hers. 

“Did you say something?” she breathed, walking over slowly. 

“I love you too, Sif,” he whispered, slowly pushing himself up on the bed, making the golden cocoon shimmer out of existence. 

“You… remember?” she asked, kneeling down beside the bed, the tears continuing to trickle down her cheeks. 

“I could only forget because I loved every moment we had together, so dearly,” he breathed, allowing his own tears to slide down his cheeks, as he wiped off hers. 

Her lips twitched and twisted into an adoring smile. She stroked his tears away with her calloused fingers.

She punched his shoulder. 

“Ow! Why ever did you do that?” he gasped, rubbing his shoulder. 

“You idiot! Do not ever do such a thing again!” she cried out, embracing him, and kissing him and practically pulling him off the bed. 

“I will not,” he laughed, trying to pull away ever so slightly. “You should know I prefer such embraces to violence,” he chuckled throatily. 

“Mama?” Ullr exclaimed in a high-pitched voice, eyes wide with confusion. 

Sif exhaled with a laugh and pecked Loki’s lips once more. She stroked his cheek, dotingly, and moved aside a little so that Ullr was in his line of sight. 

“I believe an introduction may be in order,” she grinned, walking over to Ullr. “It has been a long time since you have seen each other.” 

“Ullr?” Loki marveled, blinking slowly, as he sat up on the edge of the bed. 

“Mama? How does he know my name?” Ullr gasped, hiding behind her, and peeking out at Loki.  

“Ullr,” Sif knelt down in front of him and took his hands in hers. “This man is not one of Uncle Thor’s friends from Midgard.” 

“No?” he squeaked. 

She shook her head, and beamed, kissing his little hands. “You know that your father fell off the Bifrost?” 

He nodded slowly but kept glancing at Loki. 

“When your father fell, he did not die, but he lost all his memories. But we found him again, and grandma Frigga has been weaving the memories back.” 

Ullr looked up at Sif with his small eyebrows knit together.  

“Where is h-?”Ullr gasped. He looked at the tall man.  

Black hair, pale, green eyes, gold horns. 

“F-father?” he breathed. 

Loki stood up shakily and walked over, dropping to his knees in front of him, with tears staining his cheeks.  

“You’ve grown tall and strong like your mother,” Loki smiled nervously. 

Ullr sucked on his bottom lip in concentration. 

“Forgive me, I have not bee-“ 

Ullr launched himself at Loki, and hugged him tight, burrowing his head against his chest.  

“Oh- I-“ Loki looked at Sif in panic. 

“Can we play in the garden, father?” Ullr sniffed, holding on a little tighter, clenching the fabric of Loki's tunic in his pudgy hands. 

“Loki, you shouldn-“ Sif began.

“Of course,” he promised, stroking Ullr’s back. He looked up at Sif, with those same warm eyes which made her fall in love with him all those millennia ago and smiled.  “I promise that from this day forth, I shall always be by your side.” 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to everyone who read my little story!  
> What can I say? I'm a sucker for happy endings, fluff and family fics.  
> Thank you for sticking with me until the very end of this story. I know it doesn't exactly start in the happiest place.  
> Hope you'll all forgive me for disguising a family fluff piece inside an angst fic.
> 
> Lots of love, Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah to all!
> 
> Pleaaaaaaaase comment


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